Silent Awakenings: The Dark Winds Are Whispering
by Silvyrrayn
Summary: The first chapter of a two-part story taking place at the end of "S" when Hotaru is consumed by Mistress 9 as she struggles to find the strength to free herself from the darkness.


****This is Part 1 of the "Silent Awakenings" series.  Enjoy!****

      There was nothing now.  Nothing but a vast emptiness that seemed endless as it stretched across the dark plains of her mind.  Nothing but sadness.  There was never anything but sadness.  Sometimes it was so unbearable she would close her eyes and wish that she would die.  Again.  

      _Loneliness . . .  _No one cared.

      No, there was Chibi Usa.  Chibi Usa was her friend.  Chibi Usa cared.

      Sometimes she heard voices.  Voices from the darkness.  Voices from outside her gilded cage.  They were the ones who had trapped her.  But first they had exposed her for what she really was.  A monster.  An abomination.  She should never have lived again.

      They were laughing at her.

      _Yes, she had cared_, they howled.  The screeching sounds of their cries echoed through her head.  _But you killed her, didn't you?  You took her life and watched as she died.  Reaching for you.  Crying out for you . . .  _

_      Monster!  _

      _No!_  She screamed back, her cry muted by their uproar.  _No!  Chibi __Usa__!  I didn't!  I wouldn't!_

_      Didn't you?  _

      The voices were materializing now.  Shapeless shadows loomed around her, swarming in a black haze.  They melted together, forming claws that reached for her slender throat, tearing at her skin.  She fell away and the claws swept past her face in a foul, dark surge.  She gasped as the putrid odor filled her nostrils, overpowering her senses.  It was the stench of evil.

      _That wasn't me!_  She managed to choke out, her eyes filling with tears.  _It wasn't me!_      

      _Yes it was!_  They hissed.  _Don't you remember what happened?  _

      She shook her head fiercely, trying to rid her mind of their presence.  Trying to be free of their stinging words.  Their horrible accusations.  They weren't true.  They could never be true.  She wasn't the one who had brought the evil to the Earth.  

      I didn't do it!  She yelled again, over and over, trying to will the truth of those words to existence.  Trying to make the assault of laughter end.  You lie!  But even as she spoke, she realized that they were right.  It was then that she remembered.

      _The silence.___

*******************

      Hotaru smiled weakly up into the worried face of Chibi Usa.  She was sprawled out on the park grass, a hand clutched to her chest where her heart still beat wildly.  "It's okay," Hotaru reassured her friend.  She accepted Chibi Usa's helping hand and pushed herself off the ground.

      _I'm okay_, Hotaru said to herself as she dusted off her black dress.  _I'm still okay._

      "We can go sit down," Chibi Usa offered quietly, pointing to a near-by concrete bench that was shaded by the branches of a cherry blossom tree.  

      Nodding gratefully, Hotaru allowed herself to be led by her tiny companion.  She winced slightly as the sharp pain in her heart came again.  Her hand clasped the dark crystal amulet she wore around her neck.  She breathed slowly, feeling the ache subside to a dull throb.

      _I'm okay_, Hotaru told herself again, wishing that she could truly believe that.  _It was just a seizure.  I didn't lose control of my body.  I didn't hurt anyone._

      They sat on the bench in silence.  "Maybe you should go home," Chibi Usa finally suggested, concern still etched on her face. 

      "No!"

      Chibi Usa looked up, startled by her sudden outburst.  Something like anger flashed across Hotaru's pale face, but it was quickly covered up.

      "Hotaru-chan?"

      "I'm sorry.  I didn't mean to . . . I just don't want to worry my papa."  Hotaru said softly.  _And I don't want to see her!_  She added silently.  She shook her head, trying not to think about her father's assistant.  "Chibi Usa-chan, let's go somewhere else."

      "I know!"  Chibi Usa's eyes lit up as she grabbed Hotaru's hand and started dragging her through the park.  "Ice cream!"

      Hotaru grinned.  "I'd like that."

*******************

      The scene played again in Hotaru's mind.  The seizure that had made her collapse.  The pain it had brought.  The fear that next time she wouldn't be able to control it.  She could see herself, a monster in most people's minds.  And she could see Chibi Usa's innocence.

      Chibi Usa-chan . . .

      The shadows were twisting around her.  They spun faster and faster, melting into one dark mass.  Within the shadows a picture formed.  They wanted her to see what it was like before.

      It was all so real.  As if she could reach out to the shadows and somehow be transported back to that moment.  Back before the darkness in her heart had spread.  Back before the silence had overtaken her body. 

      Back before she had killed her friend.

********************

      "Hotaru."

      The voice came without warning from her open bedroom doorway, startling her.  Hotaru looked up in surprise.  She could see her father standing in the lighted hallway.  He stepped forward into her room.  Into the shadows.

      "Papa?"

      "Hotaru, where did you get that?"

      She glanced down at the item he was referring to.  In her hands she held a pink bunny key chain that had come from a crane machine.   It had been a gift.  "Friend" was scribbled on it in messy hiragana.  She smiled softly.  "From Chibi Usa-chan."

      Professor Tomoe squinted at the key chain.  "Chibi Usa-chan?"

      "She's my friend, Papa," Hotaru replied quietly.  "Chibi Usa is my friend."  

      He stared at her for a moment, not responding.  "You have a friend?"

      Hotaru felt her eyes well up.  _Yes, Papa!_  She wanted to scream out._  I have a friend!  Why is that so hard for you to believe?  _ Instead, she closed her eyes, holding back her tears.

      "I want to invite her to our house.  I want to invite Chibi Usa-chan over for tea tomorrow afternoon."

      "Hotaru, you're not well.  Kaolinite said that your attacks have been more frequent lately."

      _Don't mention her!  Don't say that name, Papa!_  Hotaru fought to swallow down the anger that forced its way up her throat.  Hatred burned in her eyes.  "I'm fine, Papa," she said simply. 

      "I know that you don't like her, but she only has your best interests in mind.  Kaolinite and I both care for you.  We don't want you to get sick again."  Professor Tomoe turned to go.  "You may invite your friend over for tea tomorrow.  Goodnight, Hotaru."

      Hotaru watched her father shut the door behind him and the room was plunged into darkness.  She felt her eyes filling with tears again only this time she didn't hold them back.  

      Hotaru grabbed a pillow and held it to her chest.  She laid back on her bed, crying.  

      _You don't care about me, Papa.  You haven't since I was little.  It's like you're a different person.  Why did you change?  Was it because of me?  Did I make you change?  Do you hate me? _

_      Why, Papa?_ She sobbed.

********************

      _Stop it!  _Hotaru screamed at the shadows.  Tears were flowing down her cheeks.  She didn't want to see anymore.  She didn't want to see into her past.  She wanted it all to end.

      The pain . . .

      _Stop it! _

_       No!_ They yelled back.  _You haven't seen enough.  You haven't felt enough!_

_      I don't want to see anymore!  Make it stop!_

      _You deserve to suffer.  You need to see what you've done!  The people you've hurt . . . The evil you've become . . . You must pay for it all!_

_        Please_, she begged.

********************

      She stood there, staring at the amulet she had tossed on her bed.  It was supposed to make her feel better.  It was supposed to make the pain end.  And it had.  For a little while.  Then the attacks had become worse.   Nothing would dull the pain anymore.

      Except for that brooch.

      Hotaru sighed as she crumpled into a heap at the foot of her bed.  She buried her head in her hands.  Her head was pounding.  She felt so weak.

      What's going on?  What's happening to me?  She rubbed her temples, trying to make her headache stop.  Trying to remember what had happened.  All of her thoughts were fuzzy.  Almost as if what happened had been a dream.  But she knew it hadn't been a dream.

      _I had an attack and I collapsed.  When Chibi __Usa__ knelt down to help me, I reached out for brooch and then . . . I felt better.  The pain was gone.  I felt stronger.  Something inside of me stirred.  It wanted that power._

      She shook her head, trying to clear her mind.  _It wasn't me,_ she told herself.  _That voice . . . it wasn't mine.  But it came from inside of me.  It was evil._

_      It told me to take the brooch.  It told me to hurt Chibi __Usa__._

_      Then I snapped out of it.  It was like coming out of a dream.  I wasn't sure where I was.  I wasn't sure what had happened.  Chibi __Usa__ looked worried.  She was frightened.  I scared her._

      "I'm a monster."

      Hotaru picked up the amulet and threw it across the room.  It hit the back wall with a thud and then fell to the floor.  It didn't shatter.

      _Why is this happening?  Why am I hurting people?  What if I hadn't regained control?  What if I had listened to the darkness inside of me?  What if I had hurt Chibi __Usa__?_

      "What am I going to do if it happens again?"

********************

      _And now you have seen_, the voices whispered.  _You have seen the past.  It is time that you see what you have become._

      _Never!_  She yelled back, defiantly.

      Hotaru lunged at the shadows, furiously trying to break through them.  Her hands ripped through the dark screen like knives, cutting away at the memories until they evaporated into the air.  Suddenly, there was nothing again.  She could no longer see the shadows or the horrible images they had formed.  She could faintly hear the sound of her own heavy breaths, but that was all.

      _I'm alone again.  I'm always alone.  Only the darkness has remained with me.  Embracing me in its loneliness.  Such sadness. . ._

      "You're never alone."

      The voice was quick, fleeting.  At first Hotaru thought it was only her imagination, but she could feel a steady power, like a pulse, beating softly. 

      _What was that?  I heard something.  Something is calling out to me._

      "You're never alone."

      The voice came again, this time louder, but still little more than a whisper.  The pulsing grew stronger as it slowly quickened into a steady race.  It was in her head at first, but then it was around her.  Like the shadows, it was a power that surrounded her.  

      _This is different.  It's so light.  It makes me feel strong.  I'm not afraid.  I'm no longer afraid._

      "Hotaru-chan?"

      That voice . . . it's so familiar.  Hotaru's eyes widened.  No!  Impossible!  Chibi Usa-chan? 

      "Hotaru-chan."

      It came again.  That was her voice.  

      Hotaru searched the darkness frantically, straining her eyes.  Chibi Usa-chan?  Where are you?  I can't see anything!  Where are you?

      "I'm here.  Inside of you.  Hotaru-chan, why-"

      The voice was cut off.  Hotaru heard nothing.  She couldn't feel the power anymore.  She was alone again.  Don't go!  Why what?  Hotaru called out to her friend.  Why what?

      "Why did you kill me?"

      Chibi Usa's voice was stronger.  Threatening.  It was full of hate and anger.  Hotaru drew back, shaking her head, her horror-stricken face paling.  I didn't, Chibi Usa-chan! 

      "You did," Chibi Usa hissed.  "You killed me.  Monster!"  

      That wasn't her voice!  That wasn't Chibi Usa!  The power surged forth again, beating wilder than ever.  The dark power invaded her mind, reaching for her very soul.  It was no longer gentle.  The light was gone.  The shadows had returned. 

      _Who are you?_  Hotaru screamed.  _What do you want?  Why do you keep doing this to me?_

      The shadows swirled throughout her body, sending shivers running up her spine and through her veins.  _You are evil!  They responded.  You are evil, and you must pay!_

      _I'm sorry, _Hotaru cried pitifully_.  I'm so sorry.  _

      _It's too late now!  See what you have become!  See through her eyes!  _Her_ eyes!  See into evil itself.  Your awakening is at hand._

      Hotaru wanted to cry out again, but she couldn't.  The shadows had overtaken her body.  They were in control.  The voices were screaming again.  They commanded her to open her eyes.  Unwillingly, Hotaru felt her eyes opening.

      The world was bright again.  The dark cage was gone.  She could see, but everything was fuzzy and far away.  It was as if she was seeing through someone else.  She was inside of them.  Hotaru felt the eyes that were hers but not hers, close and open again.  The world became clearer.  There were faces.  People she recognized.

      _They are weak_, a voice told her.  _They are the ones who tried to stop us._  The voice laughed, a wicked, dark laugh that echoed throughout Hotaru.    

      _Who are you?_  Hotaru asked fearfully.

      _I am you, Hotaru.  The darkness inside.  You are mine now.  Look out to your friends, Hotaru.  Look out to the ones that you have damned._

      Hotaru could make out the Sailor Senshi standing before her, battered and bruised.  They looked frail, but determined.  She could see the strength in their eyes.  Suddenly, everything became clear to her.   _I am the Darkness.  The Messiah  and I are one.  She is my voice and my face.  What I have become._

      She could feel herself as Mistress Nine grinning and then her eyes narrowed.  The voice that came from her lips was that of the Darkness.  "I am the Messiah of Silence.  I am the bringer of Pharaoh Ninety," she told the Senshi.  

      Inside of her head, Hotaru heard another voice.  _The dark winds are whispering_, it told her.  _And they have come with death._


End file.
